A Letter from The Backpage Editor

Lucy Bloomstram, Arts, Entertainment and Humor Editor

October 16, 2018

Filed under Humor

Hello Worldlings. The past few years at Burroughs have been great, don’t get me wrong, but we all know that something’s been missing. Yes, the newspaper still arrives with all regularity for you to quickly skim through bef...

The Future for Science Town

Carrie Zhang, Opinions Editor

October 15, 2018

Filed under Humor

It has been four months since Science Town was demolished. Sparkling, white, box-shaped buildings housed hundreds of students every day. However, the once-popular center was more than just a place for classes. Students were...

Introducing JBS

Evan Williams, Humor Editor

May 16, 2018

Filed under Humor

Do you have a need for quality education? Are you perplexed by the lack of options available in this day and age? Do you want the best for your children? Well wake up, folks, we’ve been around since 1923, and boy howdy, do we...

Inside College Admissions

May 16, 2018

Filed under Humor

On a drizzly day in February, nine admissions officers from the prestigious [REDACTED] University sit huddled around a conference room table within the ivy-clad admissions building. The conference room is littered with empty Starbucks...

To the Senior Athletes

Evan Williams, Humor Editor

May 16, 2018

Filed under Humor

Alright, alright, alright, let’s address the elephant in the room: the twig of a senior in skinny jeans (aka me) standing with the athletes during the announcement of the twelve season folk. Now, I can’t speak for the athletic...

Severe Strain of Senioritis Strikes Seniors

Phoebe Skalansky, Copy Editor

May 9, 2018

Filed under Humor

A breakout of senioritis has ravaged the Class of 2018 with unprecedented and unparalleled fortitude this year. This vicious virus has caused scores of restrictions, several overdue May Project proposals, the daily absence of...

Metaphorical Reparations

Evan Williams, Humor Editor

March 15, 2018

Filed under Humor

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been drawn to the humanities. What does this mean? Well, it means that I oft use “one” as a pronoun in my writing. Beyond that though, it means that I have strong opinions, mostly about...

The Real Madness in March

Ann Zhang, Reporter

March 15, 2018

Filed under Humor

Bracket. Tournament. Ball. Basket. These are words that we have all heard a lot recently leading up to the appropriately named “March Madness.” Personally, I don’t understand all the fuss: Why do JBS students and faculty...

Shuffling By

Evan Williams, Humor Editor

February 20, 2018

Filed under Humor

Oh, the eternal moan of those who languish in the toils of athletic obligation—how it rings out! Nothing but barbarism to be found; pure, unadulterated brutality certainly abounds. It seems indeed that to sport has become as ted...

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the Season

December 10, 2017

Humor